Harriet is pleased to be doing her bit by informing everybody about the hosepipe ban, but it would be a lot easier if it would just stop raining…

A Wet Drought

“I don’t believe it!” Harriet gasped as the news bulletin came to an end. “A hosepipe ban! I wouldn’t mind but it hasn’t stopped raining in weeks.”

She’d been watching a programme about a team of volunteers who were restoring a garden to its former glory.

Harriet, a keen gardener herself, had found the project fascinating. When the programme ended, she popped into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

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Stan’s obsession with aliens is driving Betty mad. All she wants to do is hang out some washing…

Alien Landing

“I’m just off to the observatory,” said Stan, adjusting his headset, and heading for the back door.

“Observatory?” Betty snapped. “It’s our garage! And when are you going to clear out the shed? It’s full of junk.”

She picked up a basket of wet washing, and neatly avoiding the paraphernalia stashed around the garden, made her way over to the whirlygig which was in the middle of the lawn. She’d asked Stan to move it closer to the house but he’d ignored her.

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Mandy wanted a night out for her birthday.

Nathan bought her an iron instead. But despite the new gadget, Nathan’s still moaning about the state of his shirts and he won’t let Mandy watch a film…

All Steamed Up

Mandy plugged in her state-of-the-art cordless steam iron and waited for it to heat up. Nathan had bought it for her as a birthday present three months ago and she hated it. It took ages to reach steaming point, weighed a ton and was already clogged up with lime scale.

Nathan loved gadgets. That’s why he’d chosen it. He thought the new iron was brilliant. Not that he ever used it, of course.

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When Bella is made redundant from the bank and starts working as a window cleaner, it causes more problems than she could have imagined. Her boyfriend doesn’t approve of her new career, somebody has thrown a stone through her grandmother’s window and then there is Jake…

Bella’s Sparkling Windows

When I arrived at Nan’s that morning, I was shocked to find her living room window boarded up. Somebody had thrown something at it, probably a stone.

“The glass was cracked like a spider’s web,” Nan told me. “But luckily it didn’t shatter.”

Dora, Nan’s neighbour was keeping her company along with a bottle of sherry, which at eight thirty in the morning seemed a bit surreal.

“It’s for the shock,” Nan winked as she topped up their glasses. “Do you want a drop Bella?”

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Joanne doesn’t want Brian to know how much she’s spent on candles. Burning them all at once seems to be the only answer…

Candle Power

“Wax and Wicks is closing down,” Joanne told Brian. “So I thought I’d stock up on candles in case we ever get a power cut.”

“I’m not surprised they’re closing down,” Brian remarked as Joanne unpacked her bags. “You’ve enough candles there to floodlight a football pitch. They can’t have anything left to sell. Still,” he added grudgingly, “I suppose they might come in handy one day.”

Joanne thought it best to say nothing. Scooping up her bargains, she headed for the cupboard under the stairs.

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Jenny can’t understand why everybody is so obsessed with watching television. Fed-up with the latest TV reality show, she joins a literary group but it seems there’s still no escape. Meanwhile, Kevin is driving her mad…

Celebrity Kennels

“I’m sick of television,” Jenny said. “There must be more to life than watching Celebrity Kennels.”

Jenny’s husband Kevin disagreed. He loved Celebrity Kennels, a reality TV programme where fifteen dogs of the rich and famous were housed together in a huge custom-built kennel to see how they all got on.

“Why not go out with Rose,” Kevin suggested, as he eagerly awaited the latest canine eviction. “You haven’t seen her in ages.”

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Sheila’s fingers were so stiff that she couldn’t work. But copper bangles were for old ladies, weren’t they…?

Copper Bangles

Flexing her fingers back and forth, Sheila eyed the pile of documents waiting to be scanned.

Her fingers really ached this morning and the temptation to shove the lot through the shredder was overwhelming. Setting light to them would have been better still, as the warmth from the flames would have soothed her aching joints.

She said as much to Jane.

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Ella’s husband Derek has been promoted and now wants a new wife as well. Can Ella stick to his strict fitness and diet regime or will she give in to the free doughnut offered in the supermarket?

And what does Brian have to say about it?

Dieting for Derek’s Do

I was looking for a low calorie sandwich on the supermarket snack bar when an assistant sidled up to me. She was wearing a tray piled high with doughnuts. Thank goodness Derek wasn’t around or he’d have sent her off with a flea in her ear.

“There’s a free chocolate doughnut with every sandwich bought today,” she trilled. “Choose a sandwich and I’ll pop one in your basket.”

My mouth watered. Chocolate doughnuts sounded like heaven to me. But Derek had put me on a strict diet.

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‘Essence of Humour’ is a collection of short stories which brings together the best of humour writing from 17 authors across the globe.

Back to haunt his precious hotel, Reggie Johnson a digital ghost, soon makes life difficult for his daughter Lydia. But how did Reggie materialise and can Lydia get rid of him? Luckily Declan is around to help…

Ghost Johnson

“What have you done with the white sheets, Lydia? I look ridiculous in this!”

Open-mouthed I stared at the apparition before me.

It couldn’t be true.

Dad had been dead six months yet here he was standing before me shrouded in a yellow gingham duvet cover and ordering me about as usual. His grey hair was much longer than it used to be, halfway down his back, but apart from the ridiculous outfit he looked much the same…

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Rebecca is trying to ignore all the festivities crammed into the extra hour at the end of October. But Flora and Marcus are keen to get her involved. And then there’s Martin, their dad…

Happy Hour

The two kids on my doorstep were wearing black bin liners and pointed hats, green faces and plastic fingers.

“Trick or treat?”

“Trick,” I said.

The kids looked confused

“You’re not supposed to say trick,” the boy scolded. “You’re supposed to give us some sweets.”

“I haven’t got any sweets,” I told them. “So what’s the trick?”

The girl shrugged.

“Our dad will sing. Dad!” she yelled.

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Lillian is sick of Harry hanging around the house. But is getting a dog the answer?

Harry and Henman

Ever since Harry had been made redundant, he’d given up on life. All he wanted to do was lie on the couch with the remote.

“He can’t stay there forever,” Lillian complained to her daughter Sara.

“Why not get a dog?” Sara suggested. “He could take it out for walks.”

That evening, Lillian mentioned getting a puppy.

“No way,” said Harry. “They’re a huge responsibility. And I can’t cope with responsibility. That’s why Builders-R-Us got rid of me.”

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Rod was ecstatic when a frog – or was it a toad – finally appeared in his pond.

But his wife wasn’t so keen…

Rod’s Pond

“Come and look at this!” Rod yelled to Michelle from the garden. “You won’t believe it!”

Michelle abandoned the shepherd’s pie she was cobbling together from yesterday’s leftovers and rushed outside to see what her husband was on about.              Expecting to see an elephant or a pair of tigers marauding through the flowerbeds at the very least, she was surprised when Rod grabbed her and pointed to a paving slab.

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Can Annie and Evie find a missing lawnmower with only a  chocolate wrapper to go on?

The Chocolate Detectives Part 1

“I’ve reported the theft of our mower to the police, Annie” Gran said.  “They’ve given me a case number.”

“Did you show the bit of evidence to the officer?” I asked.

“Yes but he wasn’t very convinced – he seemed to think I was one chunk short of a bar.”

I wasn’t in the least surprised to hear it.

“Let’s have another look at it….”

Gran unearthed a clear plastic wallet. Inside was a purple wrapper that had once graced a bar of chocolate.

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When Gerald’s car is stolen and the wrapper from a Bounty bar is discovered, Evie is keen to start sleuthing again…

The Chocolate Detectives Part 2

“I’m right out of chocolate digestives,” my gran Evie told Gerald-from-up-the-road as he wandered in through the back door.

“Please don’t mention biscuits at a time like this.” Gerald slumped into the nearest seat and eyed the kettle.

“A time like what?” Gran glanced up from her Sudoko puzzle, muttering something about having two 3s on one line. “What’s happened?”

“My car has been stolen.”

“Really?” She sounded delighted. I groaned. Not more of this amateur detective stuff.

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The theft of two flowerpots and the discovery of a Maltesers wrapper lead Evie and co. on another detecting mission…

The Chocolate Detectives Part 3

“I’ve just been up to Barley House,” Gran announced.

“Barley House?” Gerald said. “Now why does that name sound familiar?”

“There was a bit in the paper about it last night,” I said.

“That’s right Annie,” Gran agreed. “Two terracotta pots full of plants were stolen from there and Jan Barley was reported as being ‘distraught’. So I went up for a bit of a nose around.”

I looked at Gerald. Gerald looked at me. Gran’s sleuthing mania was going to lead her into serious trouble if she wasn’t careful.

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Reading an entry in her diary, Amanda assumes she has to be somewhere. But exactly where she is supposed to be and who she is supposed to be meeting is a mystery.

Total Recall

10am. I studied my handwriting in the diary wondering what it meant. It didn’t ring any bells and I couldn’t even remember writing it down.

Yet I must have pencilled it in for a reason.

I put the kettle on for coffee and stared out of the kitchen window.

If Tom found out I’d forgotten something again, I’d never live it down. He’d go on and on about me losing my marbles as if I were some old dear of ninety.

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