Beauty and the Knife – Jackie Tritt
660 words Humour
Dee knows money can buy all the plastic surgery she wants, but how much is she willing to pay?
Dee examines herself in the mirror and sighs. She is olive skinned. Palest porcelain is in vogue. Her nose is too big. Her lips are too thin. Her eyelids are too droopy. Her breasts are too small. Her legs should be longer. Her hair, she admits, is okay. After all, hairdressers can perform miracles these days.
Essence of Humour – 17 Short Stories
‘Essence of Humour’ is a collection of short stories which brings together the best of humour writing from 17 authors across the globe.
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Stories included: The Hit Man – Chris Cooke, Dear Mrs. Golding – Lorraine Coverley, The Fitting Room – John Malone, Saving Saturday – Arlene Johnson, Fortune Telling With Love Hearts – Paul Warnes, The Substitute – Sarah England , After a While – Peter Lingard , The Marmalade Cat – Raelke Grimmer, The Most Terrible Beast – Khristo Poshtakov , A Test of Friendship – Rosemary J. Kind , The Call Girl – Jaclin Azoulay , The Real Protester – Mel Fawcett , Twinkle, Twinkle – Tracy Fells, Signs – Clive Gresswell , It’s a Dog’s Life – Jackie Tritt , All Talk – Patsy Collins , Bella’s Sparkling Windows – Gill McKinlay
In this Place – Jackie Tritt
600 words Literary
Having a new baby isn’t always the joyous experience it’s supposed to be.
Swaddle him, the nurse had told me. They like to be wrapped tight, to feel secure. And I thought about Jesus, swaddled in his manger, because that’s the only swaddling I’d ever heard of. Did Jesus cry this much?
It’s a Dog’s Life – Jackie Tritt
1000 words Humour
The drought has broken at last, and heavy rain is drenching the parched land. So why is Liz so upset about it, and so resentful of Pete’s dog, Maggie?
This story is included in the Essence of Humour collection
‘And now to the south east. A region of low pressure moving in from the west overnight will bring heavy rain which will continue for most of the day, offering welcome relief for drought-stricken areas…’ The TV weatherwoman droned on, her graceful hand tracing the rain band’s movement across the map of the state. Black cartoon clouds dripped black cartoon rain. Liz groaned. Pete laughed at her. He could feel a big sulk brewing. ‘Better go stack the ute while she’s still dry then,’ he said.
Opposite Poles – Jackie Tritt
1300 words Literary / Humour
They are opposites in every way, but they come together briefly, for a rescue attempt.
‘The name is Moon. Charles Moon.’ He runs his right hand over his extremely bald head. He should be wearing a hat today, she thinks. The sun is strong, reflecting brightly off the water. Well, to be truthful, he is wearing a hat, but it is not on his head. His black bowler hat is clutched in his left hand, firmly against his groin. It is the only piece of apparel he has on.
Past Caring – Jackie Tritt
1500 words Literary
Lou spends her life caring for her elderly, obtuse mother. She’s desperate for a break.
“I’m not going.” The creases deepen around the tight grimness of her mouth. The blue eyes may have faded, but they’ve lost none of their intensity. “It’s only for a fortnight, Mum, and it’s such a lovely place. It’ll be a holiday for you, too. I’ve booked you a room overlooking the sea.” Lou pounds the dough, folding her anger through its softness. How many more times do they have to go through this?
Ten Minutes to Midnight – Jackie Tritt
1700 words suspense
Declan has moved to a new school. He doesn’t have friends and he’s not very smart, so when he’s asked by Mo to join his new group, Declan jumps at the chance. The idea of fooling the cops with a fake bomb attracts him, and he throws himself into the project without thinking twice about what he might be getting himself into.
To begin with, Declan thought it was a bit of a joke, an adventure. Mo had invited him over to his place to meet some of his friends, for a laugh. Declan had never been there before. In fact it was the first time anyone had invited him home since he’d moved to the new school. There were six of them altogether, sitting on the bed, the floor, leaning on the wall. He only knew Mo. ‘Why I’ve called you here, is what if,’ Mo said, ‘we form a group?’ ‘What sort of group?’ one asked. He had a black and white chequered scarf around his neck.
Unbroken Circle – Jackie Tritt
1700 words Literary
Now an old man, Tommy returns to America to visit his ailing sister, prompted by the guilt he bears over the death of his wife. He’s hoping the music they shared as youngsters will help them to communicate.
Time was when I enjoyed the adventure of getting on a plane, the flutter of excitement in my stomach at the thought of unfamiliar sights and new encounters. But it’s a long way from Australia to the rest of the world and I’m getting far too old for those never ending flights. The jet lag hangs around longer with each trip, and every cough and sneeze in the rows behind me sends assault troops of bugs winging their way in my direction. Colds, flu, swine flu. If they don’t get me on the way out, they’ll make sure they do a good job on the flight home.